6 Different Types of Water + My Lovely Experience with Woody Harrelson

Warning: I will and have already name-dropped in this article before it even began. I am not positive that I am doing this on purpose to enhance my coolness in the eyes of the reader, but I do have a message I would like to convey. Let’s face it: I’m probably name-dropping, but I do have a point, an intention.

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Woody Harrelson’s assistant got in touch with me through my badass friend, Nancy. He was filming a movie in the town where I teach yoga. I went out there, trying to act like a serene, cool yogi, but my breath was quick, and my body was shaking like Shakira’s hips.

At least I know I have a lot work to do towards enlightenment, right? Star-strike hit me a little too hard. 

You may insert your own assumptions based on what is known about Woody Harrelson here. But I’m going to respect’s my client’s privacy, but we all know his pastimes.

So I gave him private instruction, so bossy that I surprised myself. The sequence I had come up with for him went out the window, and we ended up in a weird sequence where I stood on his back and pushed his hips and arms around as if he were a dead person.

After a while, I forgot that I was teaching somebody who was famous, and did my thing as best as I could. 

After savasana, I was right back to being a timid yogi mouse, and declared I had something to tell him in an awkwardly loud voice. “I’m glad you came here because people look at you and know about your diet. They see how healthy you are, and maybe they will make healthy changes in their lives.” I sounded like a robot, and this proclamation was received just as awkwardly. 

I stuttered like a schoolboy as I said all that, but when I looked at him, he smiled, maybe laughed, and I relaxed a little bit. If there is one star you need to chill out with, it's Woody Harrelson. 

Then Woody was polite enough to ask me if I wanted something to eat because he was about to eat supper. I told him no thanks, but I was extremely parched after I said that, and then I panicked because I was thinking I might die. Never had I felt this thirsty in my life. How could I be that flustered not to have brought my water? I said this to him. And he gave me a look like, chill out please. 

We went into the kitchen, and he called his friend down to the kitchen like he had a teenager up there. I was thinking I might faint; I needed to buck up and be brave.

Woody said I could have some water, and I flailed about the kitchen, searching desperately for something. I found a mug in a cabinet and ran to the glass water cooler on the table.

“No don’t drink that water. Drink the water in the pitcher in the bowl behind the water cooler,” Woody said sternly.

Woody’s acting weird about his water, I thought.

Then the water hit my lips. It was like drinking lucid silk. It was smooth and pure like the petal of a gardenia. I never had tasted water so perfect, smoother than the finest wine. It tasted like honey, I'm pretty sure. Felt as smooth as a baby's cheek. As nourishing as breastmilk (okay, yes, I'm nursing right now). It smelled like purity. Made that last one up, obviously. 

“Is this even water?” I asked with amazement.

Woody’s friend who appeared out of nowhere started talking about the water, but I was so caught up in the sensory experiences of the water—the taste, the texture—I didn’t hear what he said. Poor guy. This is the one thing I regret out of my Woody sessions. What the hell was that water?

Then I ended up staying for dinner, and that was fun. Turns out, I was just dehydrated. Can dehydration induce anxiety? I say yes, it can. 

Needless to say, I got into some water research and pondered the subject a lot. Sure, we’ve all heard of these new types of waters, and some of you are even thinking, Water is water so who gives a poo?

 Well, water is not just water anymore, friends. It is a lot of things:

  1. Tap Water: Municipal water that, surprise, comes out of your tap. Depending on your residence, it can have stuff in it like chlorine, fluoride, chlorine by-products, and VOCs (Volatile Organic Compounds which are things like pesticides and herbicides that have seeped into the water supply).
  2. Bottled Water: Stupid. Plastic bottles contain BPA (bisphenol-a), which is a chemical used to make plastic. This stuff is everywhere. We don’t need it in our drinking water. We all know plastic is bad for the environment. It is expensive too. Bottled water is not that special because sometimes it’s just reconstituted tap water. Don’t be fooled. Depending on where you live, drink tap water before bottled: public water systems have to check for contaminants more often.
  3. Filtered Water: Water passed through a fine strainer (meaning a physical obstruction) or chemical absorption or both. Apparently, it can clean out contaminants like heavy metals, VOCs and can clean heavily chlorinated water. Ideally, there would be several stages of filtration and chemical absorption to ensure some minerals do remain.
  4. Distilled Water: The goal of distilling water is to eliminate chemicals with a higher boiling point than water. At the boiling point, water begins to evaporate, but the chemicals don’t and so the temperature is stable until the evaporated water can be captured. This removes minerals, chemicals, bacteria and viruses. Chlorine, its by-products and VOCs are not eliminated in this process.
  5. Reverse Osmosis: The result of this system is mineral-free, pure water. A semi-permeable membrane traps minerals like salt, iron, lead, calcium, and manganese. This will also remove chemical components like fluoride.
  6. Alkaline Water: Water that has been filtered, ionized and enriched with minerals—has a higher pH and so can neutralize acid in your bloodstream and digestive system. There seems to be not enough research on the benefits (slow aging process, prevent disease, slow bone loss, help with digestion), but they make sense logically.

There are more types of water, but these seem to be the most popular. I still don’t know what I drank at Woody’s house except for I heard the words “spin” and “molecules.” I guess I will continue the search.

Thank you Woody Harrelson for making me think more deeply about this ever-important element. I am now more vigilant, grateful, and attentive to my waters.

What is your favorite water? Have you too been thinking about water? Comment below.

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